I lost count on how many times someone has asked me how long is too long to wait for a proposal. I think because I was one of the first in my group of friends to get married I should know this. The truth is my situation is different than most with this question. I got married to my high school sweetheart 5 days after I turned 23. We dated for 6.5 years prior to us tying the knot. In my case I don’t feel like 6.5 years was too long since I was just 16 when we started dating. BUT, for someone who is already 30, 6.5 years is way too long in my opinion. My dad always said something that never left me, “It doesn’t take a man years to figure out you are the one he wants to spend his life with.” He proposed to my step-mom after just One year of dating. They just celebrated 28 years of marriage. I guess it’s true, when you know you just know.
However, let me just say this, rushing someone to propose or giving them a deadline is not something I agree on. I’m not telling you to waste 10 years waiting on a proposal if it is marriage that you want. I am just saying a forced proposal/marriage will not end good. We can look at this so many different ways and many of us can agree to disagree. BUT, if someone genuinely wants to marry you they don’t need to be coached into doing so. If you are in a situation where you have been with someone 5+ ADULT years and no proposal is in sight do you just leave them? I mean Cassie did and things seem to be turning out great. However, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I think the best thing to do in this case is to self evaluate. Why do you want to get married? Is it just a wedding you want? All of your friends getting married? Maybe you want security? Commitment? Take these issues to your partner. Ask them if they see you as their wife? What about marriage scares them? What are their thoughts on marriage? Communication is key. Some men have no intentions on marrying you sis but the right questions can help you discover this.
This past July we celebrated 10 years of marriage. There was no fancy wedding, no grand proposal and no pressure from outside sources. We did things the way we wanted to, not how society made us feel we had to. However, we did some things I advise you not to do. We never really discussed marriage prior to getting married. We didn’t set expectations or talk about what we wanted our marriage to look like. We skipped premarital counseling. This alone caused for some trial and error, but because we had a genuine desire to be together we worked through it. Make sure before you rush into a marriage you get to know the person you are marrying. Again, ask those questions. Wait a couple of years if you need to. But never settle for someone that wants to keep you a girlfriend for years with no plans to make you his wife. So, how long should you wait to get married? Until the time is right but never too long for the person there is no future with!
Xx,
Chelle B✨
I have been here for this journey from the beginning this couple is a match from heaven I’m so proud to have them to help me through my relationship this is the article that I have been waiting on a must read definitely relationship goals!!!!
Definitely a must read!!!!! I have been here for the whole journey definitely a couple that you can learn from black love real relationship goals I’m happy to have them to get me through my relationship…
Thank you so much Dai! You were most definitely was around from the very beginning. 🤣🤗 I so appreciate you and your words. 🌻
Awesome read
Thank you so much Jas! 💕✨
Love this! The advice provided was so on point. Continue to share the gems. 😍
Aww thank you so much Nat! I am glad you enjoyed this post. ❤️
I agree self-evaluation is key. Some people rush to get married because they like the “idea” of it, but don’t truly understand the “reality” of it.
So well said! I so agree, a lot of people like the idea of being married. It is hard work and not for the weak.
I agree with never settling. Because if you do, you’re only cheating yourself. I think it’s good to be clear with what you want but it’s also good to take the time to really get to know someone first as well. This was such a good post!
Thank you so much for reading Jules! Yes, I am so with you, settling is a no no! However, I feel like if you aren’t getting anywhere in your relationship after a few years it’s time to move on. Some men don’t want marriage to begin with. We have women who pressure them so much that they finally give in. In the end it doesn’t work out and people wonder why.
I’m in total agreement. It was very well put. I enjoyed the article.
Love you Chell😘❤️
Thank you so much mom! It means a lot. Love you more.
Never can say this enough, two simple words( PROUD DAD)❤❤❤
I love you Mike Smith! Thank you for leading the way. ❤️ to the moon and back again. Xoxo
Loved the remarks and comments all very good … make sure you are educated on the topic it is not an emotional decision like many people think .. get counsel talk to people who have been married for a while they can be your best resource .. it is not to be taken lightly and it is not about you .. a good marriage us about you understanding knowing and working with your life partner 30 yrs of marriage!!!
Ms. Pavia, you are absolutely right. Thank you so much for reading. 30
Years of marriage, WOW!! You guys are the epitome of marriage goals.